I barely remembered how to write a new journal entry. Guess I havent been here for a while The following I wrote a few days ago, not sure why, I just had a real boring night and.. well.. just read.. if you feel like it.


Have you ever sat down, all alone and thought; "who am I really?". Maybe you've been staring at yourself in the mirror, not to look for physical flaws or irregularities, or because you want to adore yourself. But you just find yourself standing there, for several minutes staring into your own eyes, as if you're looking for something. Like looking for a meaning, a wish, or a desire for something. As if you are trying to get to know yourself, but no matter how long you stare, the face is allways the same, your eyes won't give you any answers, if anything more questions.

You stand there staring, not knowing what you are looking at because, well.. I think.. that the hardest person in the world to get to know and understand is yourself. And the most frustrating relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself. Sometimes maybe You'll say something out of the blue, and think "Oh my God, how could I say that? and why?".

But.. its just so frustrating looking at yourself an asking "hey you! Who are you? where are you going? and why?". There are no easy answers to anything I guess, it would be so easy to be this religious freak, and just say "God did it", "because its how God wants it" and "it will all be make sense in the end". Because I highly doubt anyone will receive any divine explanation, ever. I think that when we die, we die. We rot away as the lumps of flesh that we are, simple as that. I dont believe in a life after death, dont get me wrong, I'm not an atheist, I'm not denying the possibilty, actually I welcome it. But I dont believe in it, I dont find it rational or realistic, but maybe I'm not suposed to either. Honostly I'm not sure where I'm going with these words anymore, so I guess this is where they end.